When ‘Inner Child Work’ doesn't work - and the gatekeepers you're ignoring

Your feed is full of it: journal prompts for your inner child, meditations to meet your younger self, affirmations to reparent the wounded parts of you. You've tried it all, but "just love your inner child" isn't working for you?

I don’t think the advice is wrong – although, personally, I do believe it's dangerously incomplete! Let me explain why...

The Inner Child industry

Somewhere along the way, "inner child work" became a trending topic. And with good reason - the concept resonates because it's real. We do carry younger versions of ourselves, wounded parts that still need attention and care.

But the Instagram et al. version makes it sound so simple: journal to your younger self, visualise holding them, tell them they're loved, tell them they're safe now.

And when that doesn't work? When you sit down to meet your inner child and feel... nothing? When you think you’ve got there, but nothing really shifts inside? Or worse, when you feel overwhelmed, shut down, or somehow more disconnected than before?

You assume you're not doing it right. You wonder what's wrong with you that you can't even access this part of yourself. The shame layer gets thicker: "Everyone else can heal their inner child. Why can't I?"

That simplified advice is missing one crucial bit of information: your wounded parts are protected. Deliberately. Intelligently. And the parts doing the protecting have no intention of letting you anywhere near that vulnerability, until they trust it's safe.

The gatekeepers you're trying to bypass

Think of it this way: your most wounded, vulnerable parts - the ones that carry your deepest pain - are like precious, hurt beings that live behind multiple layers of security.

And standing guard? The parts of you that learned vulnerability equals danger.

The perfectionist who keeps you busy achieving, so you never have time to feel. The numb part that shuts everything down when emotions get too big. The angry part that flares up the moment you get close to sadness. The people-pleaser who keeps everyone happy, so conflict never surfaces.

These are intelligent adaptations doing exactly what they were designed to do: protect you from being hurt again.

When you try to bypass these gatekeepers - when you sit down with your journal and attempt to go straight to your wounded inner child - these protective parts perceive a threat. And they do what they've always done: they shut it down. They distract you. They make you feel nothing. Or they flood you with something else. They may even sound like an inner child (intellectually) but hold no real depth.

The direct approach to inner child work often backfires because it's trying to access the most vulnerable parts of you without negotiating with the security system first.

Why your gatekeepers don't trust you yet

These protective parts developed for a reason. At some point in your life, being vulnerable meant getting hurt. Showing your needs meant disappointment or rejection. Expressing your feelings meant being shamed or dismissed.

Your gatekeepers watched that happen. And they made a decision: never again!

So they got really good at their jobs. They learned to keep you safe by keeping you away from those tender, wounded places. They built walls, they created distractions, they developed sophisticated strategies to ensure you'd never be that exposed again.

And now you're sitting down with a journal prompt asking to "meet your inner child," and your gatekeepers are watching, thinking: Absolutely not. This isn't safe. I don't trust this. Shut it down.

Trying to "heal” your inner child without first earning the trust of these protective parts isn't just ineffective - it can also reinforce their belief that vulnerability is dangerous. You're essentially proving them right: when you try to access those wounded places without proper support, it does feel overwhelming or retraumatising.

Your nervous system knows when the conditions are safe enough. Your body has wisdom in NOT letting you access what you're not ready to hold.

Why this work needs more than a journal prompt

Befriending your gatekeepers isn't an Instagram exercise. It's not something you can do with a meditation app or a list of affirmations.

This is embodied work. It requires someone who can hold space for what emerges when these protective parts finally begin to trust. Someone who understands that your numbness isn't just resistance - it's protection. That your anger isn't a problem - it's a guardian. That your perfectionism isn't a flaw - it's a strategy that once saved you.

The risk of trying to negotiate with your protective parts alone is that you might not yet have developed the capacity to hold what they're protecting you from. You need a container. You need conditions of safety that your nervous system can truly recognise.

This is why somatic release work differs fundamentally from cognitive approaches or self-help exercises. It creates the conditions these parts need to finally, slowly, begin to relax their grip.

What your body knows (that your mind doesn't)

The person who can't cry is saying "not yet, not safe enough."

The person who goes straight to anger when sadness gets close is, in reality, standing guard.

The person whose mind goes blank when asked about childhood is being protected from what they're not yet ready to hold.

This work doesn't happen through thinking about it. It happens through your felt sense. Through learning to be present with the protective parts first - feeling where they live in your body, noticing how they show up, respecting what they're doing for you.

Talk therapy can help you understand these patterns - it can do a beautiful and extremely useful job at identifying them. You can map them out, trace them back, name them clearly.

But just understanding why you have gatekeepers doesn't make them trust you. Only your nervous system can do that. And your nervous system doesn't work with logic or insight. It works with embodied safety, with someone who can meet these parts where they actually live - in your body, not in your thoughts.

The real work

Inner child healing isn't about bypassing your defences. It's about earning the trust of every part that's been keeping you safe.

It is a deeply patient and respectful work.

It's learning to approach your protective parts with curiosity instead of judgment. Meeting them first, before you ever try to reach the wounded places they're guarding.

When these gatekeepers finally begin to trust the process - when your nervous system recognises genuine safety - healing becomes possible. Not because you forced your way past your defences, but because your defences finally relaxed enough to let you through.

This is the work of somatic release. And it's why a journal prompt, no matter how well-intentioned, might never be enough.

If you're trying to heal your inner child but keep hitting walls, know that it is not your fault and you’re not flawed, you're not beyond help. You simply might be trying to do deep, embodied work without the conditions your nervous system needs.